While it’s easy to romanticize this phase of your relationships (and therefore dread the end of it), we often overlook what comes next. But as psychiatrist Daniel Lieberman, M.D., author of The Molecule of More, recently shared on the mindbodygreen podcast, it might be even better than the honeymoon phase. This honeymoon phase, also called “passionate love,” is just an era, so it won’t last forever. During this time, it can feel so intoxicating to be with the other person that you might start to believe this overpowering feeling won’t ever ebb. However, if you have become convinced this passion is how things should be, then you may start to panic when it slows down—even though it’s completely normal. “A lot of people make the mistake of confusing the end of passionate love with the end of the relationship, and they say, ‘Oh my God, I’ve fallen out of love with this person. I need to find someone else,’” says Lieberman. He refers to this experience as the “hedonic treadmill,” when someone constantly chases that fiery, passionate love again and again. But when you continue chasing something that naturally fades with time, what is the result? Well, as Lieberman says, “That’s not a recipe for happiness.” Luckily, the next phase might be more exciting than you think, but it’s helpful to know what’s to come so you can be prepared for the spark to change. But is this just code for boring? Not exactly: “It’s just that deep feeling of being happy and content with someone whose life is intertwined with your own, and you know that they’ve always got your back,” Lieberman says. So while passionate love is certainly filled with spark and excitement, you may not always want to feel so ramped up—especially if you’re in it for the long haul. After all, excitement may feel even more special when it’s spaced out. With companionate love, you get a moment to take a deep breath for the sake of security. “And in some ways, that’s a more enjoyable kind of love than the [intensity] of passionate love,” he continues. That being said, it’s important to tend to the passion in your relationship as well. There are a few ways to call the spark into your long-term relationship, whether it be having more sex, planning activities together, or practicing partner gratitude, etc.—more ideas here if you’re curious. But remember, there’s nothing bad about the phase after passionate love—it’s just different. Rather than dread the end of the honeymoon phase, you may even begin to look forward to the exit. You just might be craving this stable period without even realizing it.
