To assure the speaker that they’re still following, an active listener will provide verbal confirmation (“uh-huh”) and nonverbal cues (head nods, eye contact, etc.) along the way. “Someone who is skilled in active listening will be able to do this at times that don’t interrupt the speaker’s train of thought but rather helps them to fully express what they wish to say,” Leeds explains. A 2012 study1 published in the Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine found patients feel more supported and in control when physicians implemented active listening skills. While active listening is vital in a patient-physician setting, it’s just as important in other relationships, including romantic, professional, familial, or friendly. “When used in close relationships, active listening can foster an even deeper level of emotional intimacy,” Leeds says. “Essentially, it provides the speaker with the space and attunement to be able to be vulnerable, which can enhance relationships both in times of peace as well as conflict.” When listening, pay attention to their words, their body language, and their tone of voice, Leeds suggests. “Then, the listener can ask questions to help them better understand, or provide comments that let the speaker know that their message is landing with them.” Examples include: Researchers call this the “echo effect2,” and one study published in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology found people who do this are better at building likability, rapport, and safety. Though you may feel inclined to solve their problem, or ask them how they’re feeling, always put the observed feelings first, Rosenberg suggests. This might sound like: For example: “I want to talk to you about something that’s important to me, but every time I talk about this particular topic, or topics like it, you diminish my experience and that’s really hurtful. I really want you to hear me through.” According to Rosenberg, confrontation should always come from a place of being positive, kind, and well intended.
